it is well

when peace like a river attendeth my way,
when sorrows like sea billows roll-
whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say
"it is well, it is well, with my soul"

we sang this at church yesterday and i think that, maybe for the first time, i understood it. i always thought that this song was about me getting my heart right- about me finding that place where i could say in the midst of horrible terrible things it's okay, God, i'm okay with whatever is happening. and i'll admit, i always found the song admirable. thinking of it that way. i never knew how in the world i could ever honestly sing something like that and mean it, but it seemed like a lofty goal. maybe something i could get to eventually if i were pious enough.

my sin oh the bliss of this glorious thought,

my sin, not in part, but the whole

is nailed to the cross, and i bear it no more-

praise the LORD praise the LORD o my soul!

but the song, i think, i really about this second verse (or the third verse if you are truly traditional and sing all the verses). it's not about being okay with whatever horrible thing might be happening to you- it's not about saying my friend just miscarried but God is still good! or my mom has cancer but God is still good! because even though technically it is true, it's not really a helpful state of mind. in fact, i think it might even be an avoidance of grief. because the truth is- it's not okay. God is not okay with death. He is not okay with sickness or depression or hurt. He HATES those things- He hates them so much that he wanted to eradicate them for good by sending Jesus. so He would not even want us to say my whole family just died but i'm okay with that.

so what is the song about?

i think it's about our security. that if we really understand who we are in Christ, if we know His love of us and that He has saved us, then it is well with our soul. our soul is secure. even though this world is messed up and horrible and hard, our identity is safe, our soul is secure. it's not about finding peace in the circumstance, but clinging to the peace that (thank God!) has nothing to do with our circumstance.

and LORD haste the day when my faith shall be sight-

the clouds be rolled back as a scroll-

the trump shall resound, and the LORD shall descend!

even so, it is well with my soul!

in light of that, this last verse makes so much more sense. THIS is what we are waiting for- the end of our pain and suffering. we look forward to His coming because His coming means the end of sin and death in our world. when He comes, there will be no more cancer, no more miscarriage, no more broken marriages, no more insecurities, no more striving. when He comes, the state of our souls will be the state of our bodies. we will be fully free. all will be well.

i don't know about you, but i am so relieved that God doesn't expect me to be okay with all the hard things that are being thrown at me. that He doesn't expect me to say i'm good with it all. all He desires for me is to know that He is with me in the midst of it. that He groans and weeps with me. and that i am still His daughter, no matter what.